One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . .










(This is priceless...)




"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

lol'd bigtime.

Two girls are playing golf and one of them hits the bal like hell.
The ball is flying straight towards the next hole, where two guys are playing and one of them gets hit.

He immediately drops down on the ground and starts to cus.
One girl rushes to the man, who is laying on the ground with his hands at his crotch.

Girl: Can i help you?
Guy: nvm, it will go over soon.

Girl: I'm a therapist perhaps i can help you.
Guy: No really its ok.

His hands are still convulsive around his crotch.

Girl: Please, i insist, let me see if i can help you.
Guy: Ok fine, go ahead.

She gets rid of the pants with care and starts to masage his testicles to take some of the pain away.
After a few minutes she ask the guy, "Are you okay now?"

The guy replies:"Yeah, but i think my thumb is still broken"

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"




Passenger: "Who?"




Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."




Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."




Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."




Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."




Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."




Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."




Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."




Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"




Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f***ing' widow."

roflmao..

Seems to me that looking for a good woman is like looking for a good parking place;
All the good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped  

ok heres the deal some guy shoots at chuck norris and the bullet turns away form chuck norris.because the bullet got scared of his beard
1st thing frightening about chuck norris:his beard and i mean it.
look at his beard it could scare everyone.thing is hes beard can punch you.

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England .

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden , his vice presidential choice the same question. "Joe, answer this for me.
Your mother and your father have a child.  It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one...."

He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, he ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me?
Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Sarah Palin answered back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

— baaddwrench wrote

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . .










(This is priceless...)




"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

OMG I REALY ROFL HERE NOT NORMAL THIS ONE IS F*CKING GOOD M8

haha

A man travels with the nighttrain to his wintersport facility. When he enters his sleeping compartment
he sees that he will have to share his sleeping compartment
with a woman. They decide that the woman sleeps in the bed above and the man in the lower one.
After a quarter the woman says:
"neighbour, neighbour are sleeping allready?"
"No," says the man.
"I'm pretty cold," says the woman. "could you please close the window for me?"
The man walks to the window and makes it close.

After another quarter the woman says:
"Neighbour, neighbour are you sleeping allready?"
"No," says the man.
"I'm getting quite stuffy" says the woman. "Could you please open the window for me? "
"Allright" he says. And again he walks the window and this time he opens it.

After a quarter the woman says:
"Neighbour, neighbour are you sleeping allready?"
"No," says the man"
"It's getting pretty cold again" says the woman. "but i had seen a blanket in the cupboard, could you give it to me?"
"We could also pretend we are married" says the man.
"O, would you want? " says the woman.
"Yes, offcourse"says the man.
"Nou, that seems to be nice" says the woman.
"Good" says the man. "Get your ass out of the bed and grab the blanket yourself. crawl back in bed shut up and let me sleep"

this one rocks :

Dokter Serge has had sex with one of his patients. And he feels guilty since then.
It don't mather how hard he tries to forget it, he won't.
His guilt was too high.

But now and then he heard a little voice in his head saying: "serge, you ain't the first dokter who had sex with his patient. And you won't be the last either. And your still single, let it go for.."

But then he always heard a second voice who showed the reality..."serge, you are a vet!"

— Icebreaker wrote

this one rocks :

Dokter Serge has had sex with one of his patients. And he feels guilty since then.
It don't mather how hard he tries to forget it, he won't.
His guilt was too high.

But now and then he heard a little voice in his head saying: "serge, you ain't the first dokter who had sex with his patient. And you won't be the last either. And your still single, let it go for.."

But then he always heard a second voice who showed the reality..."serge, you are a vet!"

@388!!!

A woman from Los Angeles, CA who was a tree hugger, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Kingston, Idaho .
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.  
She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.  
As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.  
In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to Shoshone medical center ER to see a doctor.  
She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.  
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.  
I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care, they turned me down."

mans wanna to be in paradise but the god say "for going in paradise u doing try to be not in erection versus the girls" the mans say"ok god" the girls are coming and god have tie up a bell on the penis of the mans one after one that do "diling diling" the last man who have win can go in paradise and god make a calin and kiss to the man and we hear "diling diling" :fotfl:

OMG he is gay lol  

sorry if u don't understand this lol it's very difficult